Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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