we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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