Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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