thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
