they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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