you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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