Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
