I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
