I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
