Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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