Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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