I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
