the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
