Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
