I'm pants shitting drunk right now
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
