Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
