Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
dude. I can hear the air.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
