i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
