I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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