Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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