She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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