I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
