how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
