I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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