The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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