I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
