I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
