I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
