just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
