I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
