On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
