and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
