Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
