why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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