To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
