I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
