so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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