That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
