Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
