I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
