what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
