when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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