Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
