I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
