I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
