Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
