We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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