listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
