i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
