I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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