I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Found the puke drawer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
